


Javier Peña Drabbles

by housekenobi



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drabbles, F/M, Female Reader, Fluff, Smut, mostly off of prompts, see individual chapters for warnings, they will be in the author notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:33:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26094943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/housekenobi/pseuds/housekenobi
Summary: Javier Peña Drabbles, in alphabetic order. Collection includes: Bad (smut), Cold (fluff), Confession (smutty), easy like sunday morning (smut), Sniffles (fluff), and Snuff (Angst)
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> BAD: Javier has been away for a few days and asked you to wait for him, but you couldn’t.   
> Warnings: masturbation (f), unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy), overstimulation, lite cockwarming, voyeurism, lil’ bit of praise, established Javi/reader  
> Prompt: Someone's been bad. 
> 
> Cross posted on Tumblr under the same handle

Your hands were flying against your clit, eagerly chasing your release while you thought of Javier before he left on his most recent mission to Medellín. 

_You were laying together in bed, tongues exploring each other, hands searching for pleasure points, breathing each other’s air. The world had paused for a moment when Javier finally got home that night, elated that he finally got out of the Embassy and back to where he belonged. Back with you._

_He rolled on top of you while he covered your skin in kisses, tongue tasting every inch of skin he could get to. Your neck and chest were marked everywhere, his teeth having nipped into your body. He never was the type to take any prisoners._

_You moaned for him, calling out his name, begging him to take you to your favorite place. He smiled against your skin, fisting himself in his hand while he lined up to your entrance. You cried out as he slowly pushed into you, wrapping your legs around his waist, urging him deeper into your body._

_“You’re going to come again,” Javier whispered into your ear and you eagerly nodded in agreement. You had lost count of how many times he made you fall apart that night, and you didn’t particularly care. You would break for him a thousand times over, spurred on by the fact that it was him that would always put you back together._

_You shook underneath him, crying out as your release crested, digging your nails so hard into his back you thought for sure you would leave scars. “So good for me,” he grunted, thrusting into you harder. Faster. Deeper than before._

_In mere minutes he had you spasming around his cock again, walls clenching around every ridge of his cock as he thrust against your upper wall, pulling you closer to yet another release. “Fuck,” you moaned, tears beginning to form in the corners of your eyes, “I’m gonna- Javi."_

_Javier continued to rut into your dripping pussy, savoring how tightly you held onto him. He knew he would be away for at least a few days this time, and he wanted you to feel the ghost of him on your body until he got back. He wanted that ache in your thighs, the soreness of your throat, for your clit to randomly swell with pleasure as you remembered why you felt that way; he wanted it all. You wanted it too._

_His release was close; tears were streaming down your cheeks as his hips faltered against yours, the rhythm far less steady but just as intense. "Javi,” you moaned, while your name tumbled out of his lips every time he thrust his cock into you._

_When he came, he came hard, coating your walls while you clenched around him. You fell apart one last time, sobbing out his name while your hand twisted into his hair, vision overcome with starry whiteness as you lost all sense of coherence underneath his body._

_He held you close after that, not letting his cock escape from you. “Let me stay here as long as I can,” he had pleaded and you happily agreed, knowing you would be craving this closeness until he came back. ‘If’ was never an option._

_He rolled to pull you on top of him, letting you rest across his chest. He kissed the crown of your head and traced his fingers down your spine until your breathing became steady, sleeping soundly with his cock still buried inside of you._

You were moaning now, the memory etched into your brain as fiercely as that burn in your thighs. He had been gone almost a week and you had no idea when he would be back; you just knew it wasn’t soon enough. 

You were supposed to wait for him, wait for him to come home to bring you back up to your peak, but you just couldn’t. You had been stuck at your desk all day, thinking of his hands wandering, feeling the last remnants of ache through your body. You needed a release, you were so desperate, and it would be so fast he would never know.

The sound of his throat clearing forced your eyes open and you gasped, stopping your movements completely. “Oh, don’t stop on my account,” he smirked at you, the bulge in his jeans betraying how hard he was from watching you. 

You swallowed, knowing you hadn’t listened to what he asked. “ **Someone’s been bad** ,” he tutted, moving into your shared room to stand at the foot of the bed; “don’t make it worse by not listening now." 

You dropped your head back into the pillows, stretching out your legs and putting yourself on display for him. You teased your clit and thrust your fingers into your aching pussy, eagerly chasing the release you were seconds away from. When you finally hit your peak you yelled his name, panting heavily as you withdrew your hands from your core. 

He had a sinister look on his face as he stalked around the corner of the bed, catching your ankle in one hand to rub slow circles into your flesh. 

"It’s going to be a long night, mija." 


	2. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re caught in some bad weather, but Javier has a solution (pure fluff)  
> Prompt: "You look cold."

You woke up in the morning covered in sweat. It must have been 110 degrees, and somewhere around 200% humidity. You grumbled, peeling the sheets off your body before dragging yourself to the shower, feeling relief as the cool water washed over you. 

Groaning you turned the water off, wrapping yourself in a towel before trudging to your closet. You flicked through your clothes, trying to put together an outfit that wouldn’t make you feel like your skin was melting off. 

You finally picked a chiffon blouse and a grey pencil skirt, muttering under your breath about the shit weather as you dressed. As you started your walk to the embassy you swore up and down that you were drinking water every time you attempted to breathe. 

A low rumble of thunder surprised you; thankful for some rain to break the humidity, you sped up your walk. Too little too late, the heavens opened above you, soaking you to the bone. You immediately began to regret the chiffon shirt, knowing it was now entirely see-through. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself and ran as fast you could in your heels, glad you decided to forgo any makeup that morning. Finally reaching the embassy building you pulled open the door to get inside, squeezing water out of your hair. 

You trudged to your desk and plopped down, cringing at the squish sound your clothes made as you sat. “Fucking hell,” you crumbled, feeling an icy sting spread across you as you glanced towards the air vent that you had specifically requested to sit in front of so you could stay cool in the summer. 

This was definitely not what you wanted. 

When Javier and Steve rolled in they were barely damp, and you nodded a curt greeting to them as they began their morning ritual of making coffee and filling out reports. 

You felt eyes on you while you typed and you snapped your head up, squinting at Javier. “What, Peña?” you spat, in no mood to deal with any of his snide remarks today. He shook his head at you defensively and returned to his work. You glared at him a moment longer before returning to business, hating every second that your bones ached with cold. 

-

Javier was staring again, watching the way your chest moved up and down. Watching the way the cloth of your blouse was sticking to your skin. Stealing glances at your breasts, looking at the goosebumps speckling your flesh, admiring your nipples, wishing they were between his fingers instead of trapped underneath all of that wet- 

“Javier." 

_Shit._

Your voice was sharp and he smiled weakly, a thinly veiled attempt to disguise his gawking. You rolled your eyes at him and he leaned back in his chair, thankful for the rain. But as much as he enjoyed looking at your skin through your clothes, he felt bad watching a shiver ripple through your body, and for a few second he wasn’t sure if he heard your typewriter keys or your teeth chattering. His eyes finally fell on the air vent behind you, the realization clicking in his head. 

He got up and poured another cup of coffee, grabbing his black leather coat from the rack before approaching your desk, setting down the coffee and holding his jacket out to you. You eyed him suspiciously before reaching out to warm your hands on the coffee mug. 

” **You look cold** ,“ he said gently, extending his jacket even more into your personal space. 

"I’m fine,” you countered, looking away from his face. You didn’t want to look weak, especially not in front of him. 

The look he gave you…you knew that he knew; you were lying. “You’re so stubborn,” he muttered with a half roll of his eyes, rounding your desk to drape his jacket over your body. You sighed in defeat, releasing the coffee to slip his jacket over your shoulders. 

You hand brushed his, the ice in your fingertips making him jump. “You’re freezing,” he said, grabbing your hands in his and rubbing them between his palms. Your eyes fluttered at the warmth, leaning closer to his body to steal the heat that always seemed to radiate off of him. 

“Use my desk for the day,” he breathed. You were shocked by the offer and you blinked at him, unsure what to say. “Go on, get over there." 

You grabbed your paperwork and coffee, slowly standing up to not spill anything. You turned to face Javier and he gently reached out, zippering the front of his jacket over your chest. He smiled at you before you stepped around him, whispering a quiet thank you before pecking him quickly on the cheek. 

While you settled into his desk he came back to get his papers, looking over you snuggling into the warmth of his coat. You didn’t miss the smirk that crossed his features but you didn’t mind. He wasn’t getting this coat back any time soon.


	3. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Javier break some building tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Feelings; some light smut (kissing, a lil’ thigh riding); done in a bullet headcanon style (this is the only one like this in this collection)

  * You weren’t sure how or when things between you and Javier had changed 
  * And even though you both absolutely refused to acknowledge it, things had definitely changed
  * So much so that Murphy refused to sit between the two of you any time you all had to cram into the back seat of one of the jeeps 
  * Which was exactly where you and Javier had found yourselves this afternoon, with Murphy blessedly back in Bogotá 
  * The two of you had decided to drive up the mountain, just to talk and relax and maybe work out this… thing
  * Because you knew Javier was familiar with the brothels
  * And Javier knew you were familiar with most of the suits
  * Yet somehow the two of you continued to circle each other, looking for something
  * Searching out some kind of stability in the sea of violence; a stability you both knew the other could never truly offer 
  * So maybe you lied to yourself and it wasn’t stability at all;; maybe you were just looking for an escape
  * And maybe he was too 
  * He was laying with his head in your lap, looking up into your face as the sun glowed bright behind your head 
  * You were carding your fingers through his hair while he smiled at you 
  * But his eyes didn’t match his face, the way they held onto something deep and unspoken 
  * “What’s wrong Javi?” you asked him gently, smoothing out the lines in his forehead with the tips of your fingers 
  * He took a deep breath and let out a low, quiet sigh; almost like he had been waiting for you to ask 
  * His brows furrowed before he looked back to your eyes, catching your wrist to intertwine his fingers with yours before he finally spoke 
  * “I’m scared mija” 
  * Your heart never failed to beat faster every time you heard him use that little nickname 
  * But concern quickly took over 
  * “What are you afraid of?” 
  * He closed his eyes gently, searching for the right words 
  * “I’m scared that all of this is for nothing; that we’re down here, doing all this shit, for no reason” 
  * “I’m scared that we’ll just keep getting assignment after assignment because after Pablo, it’s some other narco” 
  * “I’m scared because we keep losing people and it keeps me awake at night” 
  * He finally opened his eyes then, looking into yours to see tears gathering in the corners 
  * “And I’m scared of losing you” 
  * You sniffled then, lifting your other hand to wipe your eyes before curling your damp fingers under his chin 
  * “I had no idea, Javi” 
  * “That’s because I’ve never told you that before, and every mission we go out on I’m terrified that I’ll never get to say it… so I wanted to tell you now” 
  * You smiled as you leaned down to capture his lips with yours, soft delicate kisses 
  * You frowned when he pulled away before gathering himself to sit up, patting his thigh in invitation 
  * You scrambled to him then, straddling him in the tight back of the jeep before you kissed again - hungrier than before 
  * His hands fell to your waist and you felt him move you across the muscle of his thigh, the material of your shorts pushing against you in just the right way that you couldn’t help it 
  * And when your moan filled his mouth his hand tightened against your side, bunching the fabric of your shirt in his hand 
  * “Do you want to keep going?”
  * He voice was low against your ear before he kissed the skin where it met the corner of your jaw, your hands wrapping around his neck before sighing out a quiet “please” 
  * A low growl rumbled deep in his chest as dragged you across his thigh once more, a slow burn slowly, slowly building in the pit of your stomach 
  * And your not sure how long you were like this - a tangled mess of limbs and sweat and labored breathing, sharing each other’s air so closely it was surely making you high 
  * But when he bit into the side of your neck while sliding you across his thigh you were done, a rush of adrenaline burning your already hot skin as you moaned his name against him 
  * He slowly kissed back up your neck, murmuring about how beautiful you are as you recovered from the rush, leaving feather light kisses against your lips 
  * You kissed him back then, firm and full and desperate to convey every word the two of you had never shared; that tension having snapped when you did 
  * “You don’t have to be afraid of losing me Javier - I’m not going anywhere” 
  * Maybe you had lied to yourself about lying to yourself and it really was that stability that kept you both circling 
  * Because you were both lost souls, alone and afraid, but together - 
  * Together the world made slightly more sense




	4. easy like sunday morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a lazy Sunday morning and you’re supposed to be sleeping in, but Javier has other ideas and decides to wake you up in the best way possible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: there’s probably cursing in here it’s me, sweet morning smut, spooning, the L word, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), some biting, brief description of rough sexy times, established Javi/reader

Sunlight filtered in through the window, casting your sleeping form in a golden shadow. Javier smiled as he looked down at you resting peacefully next to him, your breathing slow and even. It had been such a long week and you had been excited about getting to sleep in for a few hours. The clock on the nightstand flashed 0800, three hours later than your normal wake up time. 

He gently brushed your hair from your face and cuddled in behind you, wrapping you into his arms. He shuffled his hips away from you, his arousal growing because of how soft and warm and _pretty_ you were, sleeping soundly in his bed. 

Slowly, carefully, Javier brought his lips to your chin, gently placing kisses across your jaw. When he reached the corner he felt you stir, tightening your hand around his. “Good morning mija,” he gently breathed against you, darting his tongue out to gently lick the sensitive skin below your ear. 

You groaned in return, the gravely tone of his heavy morning voice sparking a small fire deep in the pit of your stomach. “Good morning Javi,” you yawned back, stretching your body against him. You offered him a sly smile as your hand brushed against him while you stretched, pulling a choked groan out of him when you ran your index finger along the length of his cock. 

You turned back to your side, feeling him press against you this time. “I could stay here all day,” you said quietly, gently kissing the skin of his arm that had worked its way under your head. 

“That can be arranged,” he murmured into your ear before pulling the shell between his teeth and rolling his hips against you, letting you feel his hardness rub against your back. “Think I might like that,” you giggled, reaching your hand to tangle it in his. 

“Thought you would,” he whispered against you, slowly trailing his fingers towards your breasts, cupping one in his hand. He slowly began tracing his fingers over your nipple, feeling the soft flesh peak before rolling it between his fingers. 

Your thighs clenched while you let out a low moan, pushing your hips back towards Javier, urging him for more. He squeezed the fingers you had tangled between his own, leaning his head into the crook of your neck and placing gentle kisses across the span of your skin, marked from the night before. 

“You’re so good for me mija,” he mumbled against you, gently licking over a particularly dark mark where the edge of his tooth had caught your skin. You groaned below him, rolling your hips, pleading with him for more. He squeezed your breast once more before slowly dragging his fingers down your torso, slowly grabbing your thigh and draping it across his side. 

“Javi-” you choked out, fisting his blanket in your hands while he teased you. He took his time dragging his fingers through your folds, slowly kissing your neck and shoulders as he _finally_ started to circle your clit with the tip of his index finger. You took in a sharp breath, legs quivering with the surprise of his touch. 

“I want you to relax,” he spoke gently, slowly sliding his index finger into your aching pussy. “You made me feel so good last night, it’s your turn now.” His velvet voice overtook your senses while you fondly remembered the night before, the reason you were marked and sore in the most beautiful way. 

The week was long and difficult, and you and Javier were stressed. You came back to his place, drinking and enjoying some sweet treats, incredibly happy to be out of the embassy and away from prying eyes. Thrilled to be yourselves, to be together. But there was something Javier couldn’t shake that you saw in his eyes, a dark burn that you wanted to know better. 

It was you that suggested it, him letting go. Letting him use you as an escape for a few moments, to release his tension, to bring some small amount of peace to his mind. You had told him you didn’t mind, that you would get as much pleasure out of it as he did. 

You weren’t wrong. 

You remembered his teeth on your skin, his fingertips holding you so hard you had bruises, the pace at which he brought you high after high. But you were getting lost in the memory of his face after, how softly he held you, how he sang your praises as he gently kissed you, how he looked at you with such- 

“I love you,” you breathed out, feeling his fingers slow against you, coming to a stop before he dragged them away, holding your thigh. “You- you-,” he blinked, stumbling on his words. “It’s okay,” you reassured him, squeezing his hand again, “I just…wanted you to know…seeing as we get shot at on an increasingly regular basis.” 

“Oh mija,” he breathed, releasing your thigh to turn your head gently towards him, briefly capturing your lips in a hard kiss, “te amo con todo mi corazón.” You smiled against the curve of his mouth as he breathed his love into you, grabbing his free hand with yours as you drew it back to your center. You swallowed his laugh, moaning as he slid his fingers back into you. 

He dragged the rough pads of his fingers against your walls, focusing in on the delicate spot that never failed to make you fall apart. As he stroked against your upper wall your panting breaths became faster, punctuated by moans as the fire in your stomach overtook your body. He slowed his thrusts against you, extending your high for as long as he could. 

“Fuck,” you moaned, falling slightly away from his body as he pulled his fingers from your dripping heat. “As you wish,” he chuckled behind you, kissing the back of your neck while he aligned himself to your core, groaning while he pushed into you. 

“You’re so tight,” he grunted, savoring the feeling of your walls fluttering around him. You moaned loudly when he brought his hand to your clit, circling it while he slowly thrust into you. You could feel the ridges of his cock drag against your walls, catching on the same spot he loved to press with his fingers. You released his hand to grab onto his blankets and he quickly brought it to your breasts, going back to rolling your nipple in his fingers. 

Javier could feel you on the edge again, quickly dragging himself along with you. He dropped his head to your ear, bringing it between his teeth as he pushed himself deeper into you. His thrusts slowed as he played with you, watching you quickly come apart in his arms. 

As you tensed he did too, the pair of you falling apart in a flurry of curses and moans, names falling out of each other’s mouths as pleasure crashed around you. He spilled deep inside of you, feeling you shudder as you took all he had to give. 

When you collapsed together, Javier made no effort to move and neither did you. You had said you could spend all day in bed, and part of you hoped at least half of that could be spent with him inside of you. “Are you okay mija, if I stay like this?” 

His voice was quiet against your skin, his lips gently brushing over you while his mustache tickled your hairline. “‘Course Javi,” you yawned, eyes succumbing to that heavy pull of blissful sleep. You felt him smile against you, adjusting his arms to hold you closer. He fell asleep behind you, lulled back by your warmth and steady breathing. 

Sunday was quickly becoming his favorite day.


	5. Sniffles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re sick, and Javier takes care of you; pure fluff

The cough rattled your chest and you shakily reached to your nightstand, slowly bringing a cup of water to your lips. You groaned as you lay back into your pillows, ignoring the gentle knock on your door.

Your ears were so stuffy you couldn’t hear the quiet scraping at the front of your door. You did hear it open and close, but you convinced yourself that you had imagined the noise in your fever stupor and you let your eyes flutter close.

“Jesus mija.”

The voice scared you and your eyes shot open while you gasped, clutching your hand to your chest while you coughed. Javier rushed to sit next to you on your bed, rubbing your back gently and offering you another sip of water.

“How did you even get in here, Javi?” Your voice was thin and tired, the cough had kept you up all night and you had barely rested.

“I uh…I picked your lock. Was worried,” Javi said, helping you lay back down.

“God I’ll just get you a key,” you mumbled. He shushed you while he pushed the hair out of your face.

“You’re burning up mija, stay here I’ll be back.” He gently caressed the side of your face before walking towards your bathroom. He found your washcloths and soaked two in cold water, returning to you to place one under your neck and the other on your forehead. He went back to the bathroom and started to rummage through your small medicine cabinet, finding the tylenol and coming back to you once more.

“Take these, they’ll help,” he said, holding the small white pills in one hand while helping you sit up again with the other. “Javi, you shouldn’t be here. Whatever I have is terrible, you don’t want it.” You took the pills from him and gulped them down, wincing at the feeling of them scratching your throat.

“If I get sick I know you’d do the same for me.” You smiled at him and he helped you to lay down again, adjusting the cool rags on your neck and face. Your eyes started to close again as you drifted back to slumber and you felt Javier bend down to kiss the top of your head.

You woke up several hours later to the intense light of the sunset leaking through your blinds and the rich smell of chicken breaking through the congestion in your nose. “Javi?” You called, voice sore and raspy.

“Yes mija, I’m here,” he said, appearing at your door.

“Are you…cooking?”

“It’s an old recipe my mom used to make when I was sick as a little kid. She said her grandmother used to make it for her too.” You offered Javier the best smile you could, shocked that he could cook and even more shocked that he was willing to cook _for you_.

He returned a few minutes later with a bowl of steaming soup, setting it onto your nightstand. He had you slide over to the middle of the bed and helped you sit up, peeling the now warm washcloths from your body. He offered you another dose of tylenol from his pocket and you couldn’t help but wonder if he had been carrying it around all day waiting for you to wake up.

“I have been,” he said, a smile playing on the corners of his mouth. You blinked heavily as you realized you had been talking out loud and not in your head.

Javier climbed into the bed next to you and carefully grabbed the bowl of soup, scooping some into the spoon and gently feeding it to you.

“Mmm, ’s good,” you mumbled, swallowing the bite and opening your mouth for another.

“I’m glad you have some appetite mija. This sopa azteca can cure any plague, my abuelita swore on it.” His voice was as warm as the soup he held in his hands which he continued to slowly feed to you until you put your hand on his, silently letting him know you were full. He set the bowl back on the nightstand and turned back to you, laying the back of his hand over your forehead.

You reached over to wrap your arm around him and he stopped you only to help you lay down. As you snuggled into his chest he planted another kiss on the top of your head and rubbed slow circles into your back.

You fell back into a content sleep listening to him hum an old lullaby, knowing full well that when he inevitably got sick in a few days you’d do everything you could to make him feel half as comfortable as you felt now.


	6. Snuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier Peña is a broken man and it is all your fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, alcohol, tobacco, cursing, more angst, implied sexy times, reader is manipulative and p shitty sorry, feelings of worthlessness and depression and did I mention there’s angst  
> Song Inspo: Snuff by Corey Taylor/Slipknot

_How much whiskey is too much?_

The thought was fleeting in his mind, quickly silenced as he lifted the glass to his lips to gulp down the amber liquid. The burn it left behind was nowhere near deep enough, leaving only a shallow sting that tightened across his chest, his craving for pain still rampant. Pain would be better than this. _Anything_ would be better than this. 

He rested his hand on his head, the glass bumping his nose as he let out a quiet sigh. He needed his mind to be quiet, but not empty. 

Not empty. 

But if it wasn’t empty, all he thought of was _you_. 

_Your hair was flying wild around your head, your laughter filling the air while he sped along the Colombian mountainside, headed to his favorite spot. It was Sunday, the weather was perfect, and you wanted to share a six pack while you watched the sun set on your personal hell. He was happy to come with you; he always was. You smiled at him, and he brightened even more, so much so that even the crinkles at the corners of his eyes seemed to glow._

_“You’re so beautiful,” he smiled at you, pushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You beamed at him again and leaned in closer, letting him traverse those last few inches of space that felt like miles before his lips finally fell on yours._

He groaned when he opened his eyes again, his mouth remembering the taste of your tongue coated in beer and fresh summer fruit as it had dipped into his mouth on that cursed mountainside. He hasn’t been there since. 

How quickly the months had passed with you at his side. 

How quickly he forgot that he was better off alone. 

_Your face was bright as you typed your report, pouring over the details of your successful mission. He felt peaceful as he watched you from across his desk, the comfort you provided settling around him, warmth filling the silence between your keystrokes. You were so happy, and he loved to see it._

_“You did great yesterday,” he offered, sipping on his coffee._

_“Yeah?” You were always so humble. So gentle. How could he have known? “You, too."_

_He swore your smile was more brilliant than all of the stars in the sky._

_The mission had been a bloodbath, but you both managed to get through with minimal injuries. He watched you with such pride as you cuffed two sicarios, more determined than even him to bring down Escobar._

_At least that’s what he thought you wanted._

_There was fire in your eyes when you looked at him, blood spattered across your cheek. He licked his lip and tasted his own, silent understanding._

_That night he didn’t pull away from you until the water ran clear and cold, your skin so warm against his that he thought he might have actually died. He thought you were an angel, that lying against you was heaven. That the hell of Colombia was worth every second of torture, every drop of blood, every fear that gripped the edges of his mind._

_But you were just a reminder._

He set the glass down with a heavy clunk, his knuckles still blanched from how tightly he had wrapped his hand around that crystal glass; almost as tightly as you held onto his heart. But the glass remained unscathed, mocking him; flawless and ready to be filled again. 

At one point his heart might have made the glass jealous with how much it could hold. More than he ever thought capable if he toed the edge of the truth. More than he should have allowed himself if he was being fully honest. The glass… that stupid, limpid glass, was better than him in every way. It knew its limits; why didn’t he? 

_Your reports were perfect, every T was crossed and every I was dotted. You handled field work with such finesse that you quickly caught the eye of those above you, almost as fast as you caught his own_

_He waited for you to come out of your meetings, sharing his intel and formulating more plans. The pair of you were unstoppable and at this rate, Escobar would be dead before the end of the year._

_But you wanted so much more._

_“I always get what I want Javier,” you told him one day, voice so airy he never had a second thought about it, “I’ll do whatever it takes.”_

_He thought you were still talking about this mission, the cartel._

_A warning so subtle he never saw it coming._

He reached for his cigarette this time, the smoke curling up through the air to gently caress his face. How he had once ached for your hand instead, but the cigarettes were ultimately far less dangerous than you were. When did it all change? 

_Every feature was etched into his memory. Every line in your forehead, your birthmark, every scar on your body._

_Every, every, every._

_Everyone ends up alone. Especially him._

_Especially him._

He closed his eyes as he drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly so the smoke filled the room. Maybe if he was surrounded by that cancerous cloud the fog would fill his mind and help erase the memories that were proving too much to bear. 

_Your eyes were shining bright with excitement - you were getting promoted. Going back to the States._

_So many successful missions built your reputation and they wanted you home, to help spearhead international operations. Another rung on your ladder._

_Ache bloomed in his chest. Your name went first on the reports because he knew if it wasn’t, no one would bother reading it after they read his. He wanted to share the credit, show the world how great a partner you could be._

_He wanted you by his side to take down Escobar._

_He wanted you around after that, too._

_But you didn’t share his goals. Not really._

_You were sent to Colombia, it was never your dream. You told him you wanted to climb the DEA ladder as quickly as you could - the goal to get out and become a Senator. Politics._

_Stupid fucking politics._

_Driven by your own desires you had used him._

_And he let you._

Another glass of whiskey, then. 

It poured out so easily, that smooth liquid. His soul had, too, the day you left. 

_He told you your field work was incredible, that as a partner you were irreplaceable._

_He told you how he couldn’t get enough of your laugh. How your stupid puns made him smile and how when you two found yourself lost in the maze of conversation, he never wanted to find the way out._

_Couldn’t you stay until Escobar was caught or killed?_

_Just a little longer?_

_He told you that he loved you._

And you told him that you didn’t care. 

_How much whiskey is too much?_

The bottle was empty; so was he. 

The answer danced around his mind, floating on the tip of his tongue. 

Oh how he knew. He _knew_. 

It was never about the whiskey. No, not really.

He would never be enough.


End file.
